


Cara

by faith_girl222 (faithgirl)



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Bisexuality, Buffy/Parker (background), F/M, Giles/Others (background), Identity Issues, Infidelity, M/M, Multi, Polyamory Negotiations, Season/Series 04
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-02-05
Updated: 2004-02-05
Packaged: 2018-08-10 09:43:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7839874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faithgirl/pseuds/faith_girl222
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And Xander, well, when he became stealthy-yet-babbling guy, there was definitely something strange happening.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cara

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers through season four; breaks from canon after 4x02 "Living Conditions".

Oz and Xander were having an affair. A quiet one, hidden behind nights of demonic research, afternoons of feigned study, and early morning food runs to the underground prison Oz had built for himself over the summer.

For all his bluster about their being too manly to hug, there was nothing he loved more than wrapping his arms around Xander. He wondered often how he could be attracted to someone who had hurt him so much, had nearly taken his sweet Willow away.

There was the niggling sense, when Xander slipped into his bed, sweating from making excuses to Devon as to why he was there at that late hour, that the beast inside him wanted Xander for that very reason. It was intimately acquainted with pain, both the causing of it and the feel of it coursing along its nerves.

No one noticed a thing for weeks. Buffy had Parker, precarious piles of work and rooms to sneak out of and back into in the dead of night. Giles had a parade of girlfriends, a shocking number of whom had been friends in his youth. And Willow . . . his sweet, soft, perfect Will, had a world of possibilities spread out before her, textbooks and professors and staggeringly brilliant TAs filling up her days. 

When Willow did see him, she paid no mind to the out of character clothes that were found in the corners of his room. She was still so in love she could never comprehend he would stoop low enough to cheat.

* * *

Oz couldn't, even after two months of practically sharing a bed with another man, wrap his mind around the fact he was in love with two different people. He couldn't tell whether what Xander felt for Willow was just love, or whether he was in love. Some nights, when Oz sat alone in his room trying to find words for a love song that wouldn't reveal his transgressions, he would ponder it. Until one night he realized something. To Willow and Xander, who'd grown up together - their lives completely intertwined - it was unlikely either of them saw any difference between loving and being in love with the other.

* * *

Xander volunteered to watch him on the change nights, cracking that being well rested for his job was less important than Willow's school work. Oz could feel Xander there when he changed, even though no memory resided in his head when he woke, naked and shivering in early morning light.

* * *

Oz began to make excuses to Willow for why he was missing more classes than he would usually be inclined to. His eyes no longer sought her out first in the crowd when the Dingoes played. They would lock with Xander's, watching the pupil's dilate as he tried to control the shift from 'hanging out with my friends in a dark club' to smoldering bedroom ones. They reflected everything while radiating the way he felt, the things he could never hope to hide.

* * *

Xander was a terrible liar. When Buffy questioned the nail marks along his arms and back, visible around a wife beater he had donned for the purpose of a new construction job, he stuttered, tried to tell her he had a new girlfriend, failed and was forced to run.

* * *

Speculation began swirling around the group when Anya showed up, and was sent away with the words "I'm with someone" ringing in her head. Xander became absolutely mum on the topic of his love life, no matter how much teasing Buffy and Willow rained upon him. Oz sat guiltily on the sidelines, his thoughts a muddled mess of wants and shoulds.

* * *

Giles had had very full life, from reading nearly the entirety of his father's library in a single summer to juggling relationships to strange kinky nights with a man he was sometimes quite sure he hated. And, being a Watcher – albeit a fired one – could certainly pick up on the subtleties of a situation and decide what they meant thanks to such experiences. (Should he not have a deep aversion to what his senses were picking up. Had it not been spelled out for him, the idea of Buffy actually conducting a physical relationship with Angel would never have crossed his mind.)

But the strange tension between Oz and Xander, and the guilt they both exuded despite no visible marks of betrayal or law-breaking or taking the last jelly donut when Giles had specifically asked for it in the first place, left him at a loss as to what exactly was going on.

And it seemed he wasn't the only one. Buffy hadn't said anything. But he saw the way she frowned at the almost reverent way Oz had started to act around Willow. It was as though he needed to get up his Good Boyfriend points before something that would cause major deductions came out.

And Xander, well, when he became stealthy-yet-babbling guy, there was definitely something strange happening.

* * *

The third day of November's full moon dawned bright and cool. Willow carefully made breakfast, bought Oz's favorite spring water, and packed it all into a brown paper bag.

Willow's senses began prickling the moment her running shoe clad feet touched the stairs. At the bottom, just around the corner, were Xander and Oz. Not talking and joking and discussing comics, as they should be, but kissing, grinding against each other in a manner Oz never had with her.

Oz was completely unleashed, unafraid of hurting Xander, because he would not be broken the way his Will would. Nails scraped down his back, leaving bloody streaks that made Willow gasp, and the two of them broke hurriedly a part.

Her eyes filled with tears. Her breath caught in her throat. Her hands raised themselves before her like a protective shield when Oz tried to explain. Willow left, brown bag clutched in her white-knuckled hands.

* * *

Weeks passed. A rift, deep and painful, had been swathed down the middle of the tight-knit group.

Buffy had sided with Willow, because Willow hadn't said anything other than "boys are poop heads" and really, there was nothing else she could do.

But Oz and Xander were united in their confusion. They had never meant for her to find out like that, but you couldn't just say "I'm having an affair with a guy even though I thought I was straight and I still love you, and oh yeah, he's your best friend" (especially when you hadn't ever said that many words in a row) or "so, I think I bi, Will, and the thing is? That doing your boyfriend showed me this."

Oz couldn't do words, and Xander, really, shouldn't be allowed near them in delicate situations, and so they were at an impasse. Even should they be able to explain the insanity of their actions, they couldn't see Willow wanting either of them. But their feelings for each other remained the same, and it was easier bouncing ideas off someone who knew the full details of how badly you'd screwed up.

* * *

Giles gathered them together on the day of Thanks, and none of them could find anything to be truly grateful for. Buffy and Parker huddled together at one end of the table, watching Willow's fragile countenance with worried eyes. Oz and Xander took the other end, Giles bridging the gap between the two factions, he face solemn and shuttered. 

Food was eaten; few words were spoken but for the murmur of good table manners.

When Xander leaned casually over to whisper something in Oz's ear, some joke, or comment that lay only between them, Willow bursts into tears. Her slender frame curled inward as she cried, salty liquid spilling down her face and into her half eaten food.

Xander and Oz, both so used to being the one to comfort her, were out of their seats and holding her in their arms in seconds. Their eyes, wide with shock, met over the top of her head as she sobbed against them.

Buffy nearly spilled her drink as she hurriedly stood up. "I- um have to-. Go somewhere. Else. And be somewhere else."

"Yes, me also," Giles concurred.

They both slipped away from the table where Parker was still gawking. Buffy grabbed his arm, nearly wrenching it out of its socket. "Come on, honey, it's not nice to stare."

Giles was sure there would be questions in the morning, arguments, tears, hurt feelings, and possibly even bloodshed, but for now the three needed to work it out amongst themselves.

* * *

Willow felt muddled, lost between her past and her future. Oz's bowling shirt scratched against her cheek. Xander smelled like greasy pizza. And she didn't know what to do . . . it was like sitting at the eye of the storm waiting for it to move past and sweep her up.

She hated this. Willow's heart ached, for things to be as they had been. Oz had moved passed her horrid betrayal - with the same person, the irony of which was not lost on her – but what if she couldn't do the same?

Oz and Xander shifted around her, and the moment broke. Oz looked dazed and Xander . . . he looked so angry with himself. Willow's mouth opened and closed but she couldn't say anything that would make it better.

"If you don't ever want to see me again, Will, I'll understand, but can-can I try to explain?"

She stared at him with watery eyes, her head jerking. Willow couldn't even feel Oz's fingers brushing against her elbow, so intent was she on trying to keep herself from falling apart again.

Xander swallowed, his breath hitching.

"I didn't want to hurt you. It just sort of happened, like it did with you and me. But not, because it wasn't something that had been inevitable, but something new, and weird, that didn't make sense until it did, and it was too late to go back then.

"I've always loved you, and I really doubt anything's gonna change that, but I-I think I love him too. And that's true for him as well, even though he'd find some cool way to say it in two words. I just- I don't want you to go through the rest of your life thinking that you didn't mean enough to the people closest to you that they would ever want to hurt you like this."

"Never in my whole life," Oz whispered.

"Huh, five words."

Her chin wobbled precariously as the tears forced themselves out again. "I don't- I. I know you didn't mean to hurt me, Xander. And I do love both of you. But you lied to me, for months. Oz, it- it feels like you're punishing me, for what happened last year, and I know you aren't -"

Oz and Xander shared a glance, before making a conscious move closer to her. "I- even if I can get over this, what happens next? I don't know if I could be in a relationship-relationship with you, Xand, not after all this time . . So, what would we share Oz? " Her words ran out as crimson brush crept up her neck and engulfed her face.

"We don't have to deicide tonight."

Everything curled in again, as Willow tried to make her brain switch on. "I- I guess. I think I need to sit down."

"Will, you are sitting."

"Then I need to lay down."

Oz and Xander each took an arm and carefully led her to the couch. Her expression was slightly dazed. "Oh, look, Giles has a tv. Maybe it's art."

"We'll be here when you wake up."

"Maybe we should, like, find a book on this or something."

"I don't think they write books on this, Will."


End file.
